Pop culture Christmas crackers

I figure it’s too late for Christmas budgeting tips—unless of course you’re looking for homemade gifts that people will actually use or thrifty last minute presents. I suspect what’s more welcome 48 hours before C-Day is a bit of light distraction, so here’s my handpicked selection of Christmas cracker jokes for 2014, updated for pop culture and still guaranteed to make you groan.

1. Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer.
2. What will Jay-Z give Beyonce for Christmas? Something (w)rapped
3. What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
 A Holly Davidson
4. What did Brian say when he got an Apple and a Blackberry for Christmas? I’m peachless!
5. What operating system do advent calendars use? Windows 24
6. What is Father Christmas’s favourite TV show? The Xmas Factor
7. What is Santa’s preferred electronic book reader? A Kris Kindle
8. Did you hear that Father Christmas joined a trade union? He’s ‘Elf and Safety’ Officer
9. What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas? Twerky
10. What do you call a woman who joins MyBudget? Bernadette

Merry Christmas!